../
2025-07-19
girl kill me
i don't know how to fucking talk to people i think are cool
chheeeese
whats the chreeeeeese lllleeeeeevessssssss
the amorfus face is to amorfus
spend to much masking, cann't take it off
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye neeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd
you don't like me
time to make the tenitis worse
evil is only what you belive
THE CORE OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE: lacking autonomy
2025-07-18
yeicks has been bad.
been fealing like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcNUYIjEmI4
have a tendency to be more depressive than mizz kickflips though
the more learned, the more depressed the body becomes. thinking about what it would be to not be alive. the place beyond dreams, beyond memory. i am not scared of death i think. a human does not want to be the "human" other label it as. a deep distain for the systems in place which cause finacial inequallity, judgement, and the killing of thousands of people just for money. fuck colonialism. fuck war. fuck creatures that steal and hurt others. fuck those types of systems. put on top of that a fear of being judged for being trans, and we got a great formula to not want to be alive. escape all those who want to force their egos upon others. to many just have no awarness of how hard it is to be alive for some people. just head thoughts at this point. please don't judge me. we all just need a hug. we didn't evolve to gain happyness form the system we have now. we're just social apes who know how to deal with a small tribe of people. fuck.
want to find a place where we can experiment with the expressed external. there's a place that looks real cool. trying to figure out who runs the place, see if i could rent one of the campers or somthing, idk. i've been wearing skirts around my family but it hurts. being around my family hurts. being in this house hurts. the body needs a change of physical seanery. need to be in a place where there is no judgment. just want to be myself and make things. i love my room, and i love my bike. biking places fills me with so much joy. feals a sence safty and a say in somthing when we ride the bike. want to find a physical space where that continues through eachother, not just localized pockets.
want to sew cloths on a tredle sewing machine. a cool skirt and crop top. want to get a tattoo of a circle between the sholder blades. get ears peirced. revolt against the constrictions that try to control who this body is. deconstruct reconstruct a new. a morfus.
want to understand the places people abandon. the things that are cared for noone but the univerce. all the people lookin at the bright lights of a movie screen. screaming talking phones. dollar dollar bills.
sad :( but in a way that just sits. sits in the body. like fealing tired. curl into a ball on the floor, and wishes to be in a small cardboard box, floating in a sky of blue. mmm. its safe here.
motivation becomes a step within itself.
want to make the places better for those who feel this way to. for those who also don't want to be where they are.
weeeeell its time to sleep :) its one my favorite times of the day
2025-07-17
that is the hole in the back of the ego, in the back of the consiousness. beyond the ego which gives form to noise lays the univerce. the darkness of minds gone quiet.
2025-07-16
bro, my brain feels so discombobulated
2025-07-15
mabye the on site link will work now that i've reset this log?