Christanity
This page is for me not for you, have a groovy day :)
These are my personal words and emotions, i am talking to myself. You really don't need to listen to me, let what gives you meaning give you meaning.
please understand these
Needing to belive in order to see.
Was talking to a friend recently, they explained the idea that if you don't belive christanity, then you will not recocgnize god's truth. This felt extreamly relivent.
TheraminTrees - seeing things - why atheism is not like colourblindness
You like a music artist's music. Its emotional and stuff. You learn that music artist abuseses their family.
losing faith - my departure from theism
you have no idea how much these videos helped this brain understand the strange emotions towards its history with religion, its not very good with words, it was not given words for the intuitions and emotions which seeded doubt, the only words the brain was given were words like "doubt", "unfaithfulness", "sin". you are giving the brain new words and new phrases to describe previously wordless emotions.
2025-07-05
Trama
Why Do Good People do Bad Things? How Do People Get Radicalized?
This is more about radicalizationm but it also applies to constricted worldviews. I was raised to only know about cristianity, I was not educated about anyother ideoligies, or metaphysical explenations. So any doubts about the ideas in christainity were met with a exsitential dred, a feeling that there is no other safe way to live. Living now, I know that it is more than possible to live without "knowing" the way the univerce works. Life is more beutiful to me now, i feel free to experience life, not judge it, to see it for what it is, not make moral judgements of it.
What is Religious Trauma?
2025-04-20
Im trying to remeber if I ever felt like I was 1000 persent christian. Its a amorphous feeling of being a kid. Nothing felt known? I knew my house, I knew my parents and brothers. I remember fear of the outside world. A morbid curiosity, for public school, for crowds of people. I feared being baptized, in the way that i was afraid of what people would think of me if I didn't do it fast enough. Someone friend from lunch bunch or bible study / friend hangout would say they had gotten baptized. I would feel a weak social dread. Was I suposed to say that to? I'd be lieing if I did. What do they think of me? The main thing... Baptism didn't emotionaly feel important. I always worryied I didn't find it so important, that I didn't have some deap emotional urge to get baptized. That just grew into strange anxiety. This anxiety extended to other things. When i woiuld see people close their eyes in worship, I remember confusion. What feelings are they feeling that i'm not? I must not belive enough or somthing, I'm one of those luke warm belivers. I remember thinking how interesting it would be if spider man came in crawling on the ceiling. It would actually be something that would get everyonne to jump up out their chair. Something that would capture awe. I don't understand what holy spirit people were fealing. I feal social presir and anxsiety. (Let me speak as it is back then.) I hate being prayed for, I hate it when people put their hands on me and pray for me. Close their eyes and look and speak at the floor. I don't feel connected here? I can't express my emotions here. I'm only allowed express certain emotions. Its not ok to express this dought. If you do not belive than you will not be saved. Ill become the other the outside of the church.
Shhh. Drink water from the water fountain, play hide and seak. Eat a peanut butter and jelly. Play cops and robbers. Hide in the pillows, smell the carpet. Hide in the dark, away from all the people talking. Here. You are safe. Shhh. Build a fortress out of the chairs, talk about video games with friends. Quible over small things...
... mabye im projecting. I don't feel like i am.
I was there as I was, hanging out with what was my friend group. That was the whole of reality. Yet here everyone was looking at something that couldn't see. I feal shame and judement.
2025-04-18
Creationism and Evolution
Take your flavor. What conpremisess are you willing to take? Is evolution real? Is the earth old? What scientific descoveries are you ready to fit into the bible and which ones don't seam to fit? If the bible just becomes all poetry then what does it have to say about the exsetential questions that sicene has brought up?
Read The Language of God. "If oops: unkown media type: ":no extention:". is not true, then I don't know to know if anything is true." - Rhett
Allex - "For some people this is like saying to your wife, Hey honney, i think we should live in seprate houses, and she starts crying. If you grow up in an environment where living in seprate houses means devorse than this is terible, however if you come from a looser tradition of how marrage works than its not that big of a deal."
You need to make sure you are not trying to "marry two disperate ideas".
"you still need a physical adam and eve to acount foe the atonement of sin" kinda stuff
For me personally. Realising what evolution was, how it worked, and the overwhelming evedece saying, this is just how it is, was extreamlly instumentlly in the doughting of Christianity. The fear of "outside of christianity" was overwhelming.
2025-04-18
Link with Absolute Truth
As a christian you (in a sence) know that you are suposed to have a link with absolute truth. This makes situations where might be wrong extreamlly difficult. You may deny the exsistance of evolution. Or certain emmotional perspectives. This feeling of having acsess to absolute truth is direclty at odds with being able to learn new things.
It becomes a ego of, "wow, i can't belive how lucky i am. Not only am i christian, im the right kind of christian". This is a pseudo-quote from Rhett McLaughlin explaining a experience he had in collage. My feelings never really got this solidifyed because i was a kid while i was christian. But i can defenetly relate to ideas of this nature. I defenetly remember a feeling that, the world outside of my church, those how did not belive or act the way that my small ingroop acted like, were the outsiders, the unpleasent ones, those without purpose, those without consisant ideals. Of cource that is just the perspecting of one view juding another without actually experiencing the other perspective.
This usually get created from a environment of certainty. An environment where people think they have the correct answers, (but irroniclly, can't say with absolute certainty what those answers are? That feeling however exsists there in that situation regardless of the ustable nature of unknowing.)
The problem is when you have no couriosity to whether you wrong or not. Becuase Truth is hard to find. It is grey. It is not in plain sight. Its not good or evil. It is itself. And unless you become truth itself, there is no way to know the full "truth" of somthing.
2025-03-06
Its ok to say I Don't Know
They say it takes a leap of faith.
Leaps of faith are dangerous. Espesially insituations where the consequeses of beliefs and ideolegies have not been fully considered. Acsepcting somthing whole sale because you were told to is bad practice. It leads you to ideas and beliefs before evidence is given.
"He is focused on the scholarship, and because of that, it prevents him from forming conclusions" premtivly. First the leg work of study and knowlage must be done. And when we come to somthing we do not understand, we should first say, "I don't know". Because if (in an objective sence) we do not know, but we claim we do, it is dishonest and dangerous. It is a lie we tell to ourselves to keep us comfortable, unaware of what reality might be. We should be warry of telling ourselves these lies. If we are unaware of what reality is, we won't know how to react in a good way when somthing we ignored comes along. We will end up acting inapropriatly, and in ways that may hurt people / beings / exsistance.
Just as a soft bunos, Saying i don't know, keeps you from atatching your emotions to false ideologies. Reconsidering those ideologies then becomes much more dangerous to your emmotional health. Saying i don't know allows you to posulate ideas.
There is a limit to saying I don't know, because somtimes we do know things. Finding the confedece to describe evolution to someone for example. Learning how to put that into finite words, that goes beyond saying i don't know and gets into saying, Im pretty sure of this.
The danger is saying that the "truth" cannot be questioned.
2025-02-16
The Grey Area of Belief
What the exsact point at which belief in Jesus it legitamate. Is it when you say "well that seams most likely". Is it when you say, "100% belief, but im struglin gwith some questions". Or is it, "I have 100% belief, no questions, not doubts." At what point in questioning your faith will you no longer be saved? Just from a idea of solid asurrance, whats the cut off point? I think thats why questioning you faith as a christain can be seen as dangrous. I felt that. If i had a question, something didn't line up or make sence, I was loosing my faith. So you stop questioning, you move away from the uncomfortable possiablities, reasure yourself that your position is correct. Reafirm your belief.
What it takes too understand reality is a willingness to learn. Even from things you think you'll learn nothing from. Often, if you can't find something, its in a place you have not looked at yet. To learn, we need to open our minds to the possiblity that we do not fully understand another position. Then once we have observed this new information we must then exsamine it. And try to figure out what the most probible truth of reality is.
If we are unwilling to change, then we might dismiss somthing that would make life better. We might not be able to make the world a better place. bad things will happen, and instead of trying to fix it, we will ignore it, because it makes us uncomfortable. We are not always correct, thats the fact. We have the ablity to hurt people through our beliefs and our inablity to change. We need to learn from our misstakes. And to learn is to have an open mind, and a williness to doubt previous beliefs.
The process of belief should not be in conflict with learning. I belive that X person is my firend. Why, becuase of the social love we hold for eachother. They are consideriate of me, i am consideriate of them. I have a stronge belief that they are good, beutiful person. If that were to change, say i realize i didn't know them as well as i thought i did, then if beilif in them should change. My awareness of who they are needs to change. It would hurt us both if i held onto a fantacy of who they are. Or say the other way. Say i am using somone for personal benefit, i am hurting someone, inconsiderate of their emotions. Mabye they don't like how i treat them. Maybe there are things about myself that need to change. These are questions you need to be able to ask yourself if you are too become a more loving person.
2025-01-02
The Religious Emotion Paradox / Prefrance Paradox
Most people belive in God, not because of some phylosophical reasoning, but because of deep emotional importance. They were raised in the church, are deeply formiliar with its people and its religious fealings. Its a place of safty. A place where you are with like minded people you grew up with. This is the Religious Emotion Paradox. The feeling that God is a very important part of who they are, how their meaning in life gets defined.
the thing which makes most sence is that which you grew up thinking about
religion takes hold in a brain, then later the only thing that gives deap meaning and ourpose is that which is deaping tangled with that religious upbringing
if we want to take emotions
were does the netolga for childhood come from
where does the love for your home come from
where does the love for your perents come from
where does the love of a childhood friend come from.
where does love for god come from?
it come from the lived experience which makes your brain the way it is. right?
its a cyclical and circumstantial relationship. change the circumstances, change what that brain loves.
where does you beging and they start???
as i lay here in bed listen it the room
i do not hear silence
the silence is filled with my tenitus, a noise. its filled with my heart beat.
the reality i see is created by my physcial presence.
how can a person be emotional genuine? with the relization that their opinion iscontoled not by them but their circustaces.
The beuty of the unsayable
Comes from the saying of the sayable
Untill you have tried to say everying that is sayable
The unsayable becomes too confused with what we do not understand
Our goal should be to understand
Not to sit in ignorance
call it hope
a human mind coinstruction
to pass the time and make life worth living
are you willing to be a human?
its imposible for a brain to observe without a tinited observation
we cannot see ultra violet
its a conflict between the "known" reality and the experience "reality" (in quotes because relativew?)
extra reading
Why I Am Not a Christian by Bertrand Russell (1927)
notes
Was Christ the best and wisest of all men?
"Judge not, unless you be judged."
"Give to him who askesth of thee, and him that would barrow of thee, turn not thou away."
"If thou be perfect then sell all you have and give it to the poor."
Matthew 16:28 KJ
“Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”
This was not true. This has been reinterpreted as a spiritual death, by those who are unwilling to acsept that Jesus was a Apoctoliptisit.
The Kingdom did not return before these people died. Not in the way that this would have been interpreted in that day.
When thw second coming is eminent, then people stop worrying about the world around them.
They stop worrying about tomarrow.
Jesus in hell. "Vindictive fury agaisnt those who do not listen to him." Socrates was better in this way. There is no hate for those who do not agree.
Matthew 23:33
KJ - “Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?”
Said to those who did not like his teachings.
New Living Translation
Matthew 12:31
“So I tell you, every sin and blasphemy can be forgiven—except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which will never be forgiven.
Imagine you think you commited this?
He put the deamons into the pigs instead of juts letting them go off?
"i think i would put the buda and socrates over him morally in these respects."
28:38
Higs arives in a remote country and escapes in a balloun.
He comes back much latter to find a new religion, were he is called the "Sun Child".
"I'm going to expose this humbug, i just went up in a balloon!"
The priests replly, "No you must not! All the morals of our contry are bound to our Sun Child, this religion! If they find out that you did not fly off into heaven than they will all become wicked!"
Throughout history, the more intence a religious belief in some type of unchanging dogma the worse the state of afairs has been.
There was the inquestition, a time when chiristans had solid moral beliefs.
Woman burned as witches.
Every moral progress in law, or otherwize, has been aposed by the orgonized religions of the world.
Church says "what have human happyness to do with morals? The object of morals should not to make people happy"
Why not? If a religious law makes people unhappy, if it hurts people, than it is bad right??
Fear is the basis of religion.
Fear of the unknown, fear of the incomplete, fear of having no big brother to tell you what to do, how you should live life.
That which is uncomfortable is considered evil, that which is comfortable is considered to be good; of gods nature. The probelm being, diffrent people are comfortable with different things.
The fear of death.
Sience can help us get over these fears. No longer do he have to look around for imaginary, plasibo like suports. We don't have to pray apon the people of the sky. We can try to foucus our efforts on what we are able to do. Make this world a better place to live! No more praying for plage to just "go away" but to actually find ways of getting rid of problems.
Respect yourself! You are not fundementally evil! Undeserving of intelligence, respect and love. Look to what our human inteligence can create. Human love. Real tangable love.