i want to get my ears pierced and get a circle tatooed in the small of my back.
2025-07-11
oh i liky null pronouns
as simular to in code. a null pointer is a nothing variable. the code will take on a diffrent form without this pointer.
2025-07-05
Bro is not doing ok. Bro at work is fealing super dizzy, says it feals like he has high blood pressure. Why is caring for people so wieird now? So many moments where people don't comunicate their emotions, they become out of sync. Don't want to say somthing for various reasons. I don't want your ego to hurt you bro. That's just the thing, we are untrustworthy when it comes to reading our own pain, or our own egoic reasons for doing things.
When you read these words, I am not communcateing something that is exsact. Its all wobbly, it wiggles your brain to think simular to what this body is thinking. Thinking words are true is confusing the map with the terrain. Words are the map, your brain is the terrain.
Experience and everyday exsistance is halusination.
2025-07-05
if you can't remeber somthing, it probebly wasn't that important. slow down and just let your mind wander. eventually it will find stuff.
2025-07-04
OOPS: Could not find "/log/2025-1//music/2025-07-04.mp3".
2025-06-29
somthings up with the automatic creation of log/index.html. mabye i have floating tags or somthing... >:\
i can't explain the absolute raw jow that wearing a skirt the last few days has brought me :) i;m scard of being around certain people thought, im so fucking scared of people who me, jidging me, well, no i'm scared of the christian ones XD. you know, its a lill acward. nocap, today for my day off i just want to go to the local queer store and shop for another skirt. The one i have is cool but its a lill hot, its some polyester plastic ass shit. breaths like a rock.
2025-06-21
a service to figure out how to use a bus to transport peeps into the mountains for some camping, but in a way that makes it so people have their own indevidual time to themselves.
2025-06-18
Metamorphasis into whatever the situation is. Don't hurt the oither peopeeeeeeees. fuckin shit. can;t walk sidways with these shoes on. hell yas :) good. green faced poclice car.
2025-06-17
pan fried gold fish
happy :)
people don't talk about things they hide emotions
fuck what was i thinking about
do you think computers only belong in caves?
only in places where the ego run free from the dirt and sunlight of reality?
or should it be able to live outside in the sun?
wouldn't it then just be a distraction from the sky?
and the people under it?
mabye not.
you'd then have to consider it as a true object with all other living things
the old guy at work won't ask the radio questions if he does not know somthing.
food is fucking expensive
every man for himself is the way of the USA, everyones so judgy
that person don't deserve this, that person deserves punishment
there is no free will, no one chooses to do bad things
there are no such things as good or bad
its just a system of chemestry, a function of brainmatter creating opinion and emotion
people exsist, and they do things, we gotta help people do happy things
its fucking hot outside, stand in the sun all day.
this job ain't gunna last that long, heard they start cutting hours in july as people stop buying plants
want to keep woking on the music software
want to make minimal liminal rythm texture music
wana live somewhere else, not with my parents
want to experiment where no one is looking
just a room with notions of something
don't want to have a body?
2025-04-30
frrriiiiik
need to make an apointment for a new drivers licence
fuuuuuuuuuuuuck
2025-04-15
alt. band name
Basement Crusefix
2025-04-08
Just as we forget the dreams we do not remember
So too will we forget ourselves in death
No that's not right... death is diffrent... hmmm, what will happen
bro the world's a mess
just hope i don't end up adding to the mess
lets try not to
2025-02-25
went on a hike yesterday and today
goot goot
i got an overwhelming desire of
camping, sleeping outside
touching rocks and grass and dirt
of looking at powerlines
the few things other humans decided to put up here
old buildings with old proposes
how to do something with full volition
not passively
there were points today that i did not trust one opinion to come down the mountain when i did
voices of go see the sunset!
sleep up here
not right, go home, you did not tell them what times
at least get to the top
for a moment i forgot how to be
obsesed over what i should do
i want to feel free
see mountains
hide and find new locations
i don't want to live in this house anymore
2025-02-20
my peen had a glitch yesterday
after having an orgasm it felt like i needed to pee
id go to the toilet pee for a sec, it'd stop
go back to bed, and i felt like i was holding it in real bad
went back and forth for a bit
mabye my body was tired or somthing?
the glands and stuff got confused or some shit
wouldn't fuckin let me pee my peace
2025-02-20
bla bla bla long ramble for someone christian or some shithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgOZr5OXaEE&t=99s
I ask God a question.
Who should I be, how should I act.
The knowing creature does not respond.
It sits there, just looking at me.
I don't know who I should be, how I should act.
I ask again.
I start to wonder what correct answers should be.
Become a pastor, become a missionary, read the bible, get baptized?
Ignore the pain, ignore the fear, ignore the curiosity.
YOU ARE EVIL.
hide yourself.
Who is saying this.
Who is I, who is God.
I ask.
The knowing creature sits there.
I anylize all actions, become obsessed.
Did i offend this person? Did I say something wrong?
Don't let pain come from your exsistance.
Extreme fear of that which I do not understand.
Who is I, who is God.
To know yourself is to know a moving object.
A amorphous material that changes as you look at it.
Better not look at it.
The mind will freeze.
Who is God?
The knowing creature sits, it says nothing.
Who is talking here? Who is God?
The knowing creature speaks.
"You are talking to yourself."
To be myself.
Is to be, to exist.
Who am I supposed to be besides what exists.
I am me. Don't overthink it. Experience it.
If I hurt someone, then something needs to change.
Listen.
What do you hear?
What do you see?
Solder droplets on the brown carpet.
Pine tree wisps a wisp at night.
Behind a wall, people talking.
The water boils.
A rock shifts.
The knowing creature sits there.
What exists?
Imagination upon reality.
Experience upon dreams.
Be and do.
Don't wait.
Exist.
The rock killed itself.
I'm just messing with you. XD
Sisyphus falls down through the ground.
bye bye boulder
Stars. Naked universe.
A crown of peacock feathers, spiked with steal.
The crowd laughs.
people
The tall grass silently cuts through the wind.
shimmer
Eyes on the ground, the sky.
Eyes on Eyes. Oh No. Oh interesting.
Face to face.
The face falls apart. No, wrong, it stays whole.
Who are you.
When a human stares at a human what happens?
A name falls away.
A person comes into place.
The knowing creature sits upside down.
Over the red setting sun.
The Moon at the end of its tail.
Wings of coal, the old dead creatures of old, from the old ground, deep within the old of the earth.
"you've gotten off topic XD"
"Just exist, let God do the rest."
What will god do eh?
What will "he" make happen eh?
Zukuthstra knew more than that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf1mlevSFg
i've stumbled upon a rabbit hole XD
poiky poinked
2025-02-19
umbaldi
2025-02-18
guess who's depressed!?! XD
Reverb fucking stupid, won't print stupid shipping label.
Means i gota do a label another way.
Fucking stressed because of job searching. Gota find a way to survive you know.
mabye a job with the county? Trail matenece sounds awsome...
My eyes hurt.
I'm doin fine
everythings ok.
2025-01-30
wana know what it is to have a soul?!?
LICK THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH.
i wonder if its possible to descibe color as a black and white image, pull at the primordial emotional strings of our evolution to be able to teach someone at least an emotional apoximation of colors? like in the case of a color blind person, they only see in grey scale...
made a song today, just need to make the conver art and ill have it out :)
is 3 minutes no 13 minute long boy this time :(((( im kinding :)
2025-01-25
"don't jude the art before its finished, judge it afterwards"
hah! thats a good one. good night.
my body feals exsausted. i need to find a place where i can help, my corpse has skills lets put them to use, lets fix this mess.
"This does not mean that you should abandon research projects or art projects or hobbies. But it does mean that you should strongly consider not scaling them up. Sorry, I meant not Zerging them up."
zerg meaning using rescorces in a wastful way.
"There are a few, rare, ideas that do need to scale. They are going to do so much good that they are going to outweigh the Zerg factor. If you have one, cherish it, feed it, grow it, fight for it, make it real."
2025-01-25
it takes a long time.
speaking as a tree speaks.
the forest falls apart.
the heat becomes too much.
burn, a silent burn.
a apocolipse,
brought on by an mistake
i want to archive the blackness of a dark room
find other houses where its dark
enclosed spaces
that are uncomfortalble because they are suposed to comfortable
2025-01-22
i wonder if the reason doors are scary...
do you leave you doors open or closed at night?
keep stuff out? what are you keeping out?
show your brain there's nothing there? but now you can see the closet.
doors haven't exsisted in our evolutionary history for that long.
they are unatural. they section space in to rooms.
then these rooms can change in side wether you leae a door open or not.
scary.
thats what i need to add to the game. doors.
2025-01-15
i'm just guna say this to the void because i have weak self confidence.
I don't need to listen to your opinion as if it is an attack to my fealings. Its your opinion.
I don't need to apologize for making you upset.
I don't need to back down from my feeling, it was what i felt,
fuck me, fuck you
2025-01-15
pansyphicism thats what its called
where all matter contains some part of a universal consiusness
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panpsychism
where consusness is somthing that arises from matter
Then there's Experientialism where matter arises from consieusness? thats strange
ooo then there's the idea that our brains are not the source of consiousness but a filter in which a human perspective arises
its a funel that condeses a universal consiousness into a body
its theory inacidemia is non-local consiousness
https://youtu.be/AsSiWqC5tc?si=WJyu7kwcw0P5vvh5&t=336
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNJv-Ebi67I
you know what its is, the brain is anentena, with a narrow bandwidth
2025-01-15
by looking for meaning in randomness, you reflect upon new ideas. Extrapolate new ways of asking question, new ways of finding answers. You may find insights that surprise you. The question we ask changes what the answer will be. Mix up the question, a truer tapastery of answers becomes more clear.
i was trying to think of a device that could resive a internet signal from a radio tower or satelite, for some reson my brain fist thought of the sound 'fo..'. Then the idea of the object.
2025-01-13
i've been doing alot of fantisization about living in a small town, especially redfeather, where there are only a handfull of places to work. It's simple, you just apply to every spot and see what you can get goin'. They're all local small places as well. Here there are so many large corparations, so many buisnesses, i feel stressed and overwhelmed. I don;t know how i'm going to survive. i want to go hiking. my body feels weak. my body feals sad. i want to find somthing that i actualy want to eat. probebly not eating enough. there's a audio desgin place at the university in greley. i want tro go see what people are over there. don't know how to help me comunity. could go help at the comunity kitchen. this is exsusting.
2025-01-08
Dying on The Internet
"we are told you don't have time to be creative"
"there is no reality that can exsist on the internet"
"ecletic sensations"